Monday, May 08, 2006
I don't really know what to say here anymore. It's a frustrating feeling. I'm pre-occupied with thoughts of Nova, and can't find words to express the meaning of the thoughts. I claim to be a writer, words are my tools, but they fail me, or I fail them, one or the other.
It's been over a month now, and I think it's gotten harder rather than easier. I don't have so many things to distract myself with. When Alexis died, it was such a sudden thing, from birth to death. Coming to terms with her death was faster, more of a punch in the gut than it's been with Nova. This, this is like drowning. More painful, slower. . . And it's barely begun.
The other day someone said that they thought that Nova being my second child to die must make the process easier. This isn't like riding a bicycle, this isn't something that you get better at with practice. I think I, too, thought it would be, but I was wrong.
posted by Erin @ 10:30 PM