Sunday, May 21, 2006
I've heard stories about people who suffer from manic depression. The crazy euphoric highs, the lows they can't fathom coming back from. It's caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain from what I understand, so I'm thinking you can't acquire it in response to outside stimuli, right? Well, ok, that I'm glad of, because it means I'm not clinically manic depressive, I'm just stressed out, overwhelmed, grieving, and being completely controlled by my emotions, rather than the other way around.
Normal response, yes?
Well whatever it is, I'm not liking this friggin emotional roller coaster. At All. It isn't the mood swings (ok it is) but the speed with which I swing. In 10 minutes I run the gamut from tears to giggly hysteria, and back again. I've lost my mind.
Yes. Yessss, I do know I'm being melodramatic and whiney. Humor me, I'm having a night.
The weird thing is this:
I'm ok with having a night. I used to (for many years now) fight it. Now, at least for now, I'm not liking it, but it's like, all of a sudden, I'm sort of, I don't know, giving over to it, surrendering to it? No that isn't it exactly. Maybe I'm allowing it, indulging myself.
Oh well, I'll probably feel differently about it in a few minutes anyway, and it won't matter that I did such a lousy job of expressing myself.
posted by Erin @ 2:31 AM