Thursday, August 03, 2006
Breathing AugustI've never been one to do a lot of partying on New Years Eve anyway, never really fell into the concept of resolutions or the idea that January 1st had any great significance. But you see, there's a funny thing that happens when you lose a child. Your calendar changes.
The year no longer ends on December 31st or begins on January 1st. I've spent nearly 5 years judging the passage of time by Alexis' birth and death, with August being the month that signals the change of the year. I'm a matter of weeks from the start of another year since her passing, and I find myself obsessing about it, about how she'd have started kindergarten this year. I also find myself wondering how to track my years now, now that I've had and lost Nova too. Two birthdays to mourn through, 2 death dates ("angel-versaries") to memorialize. I have a feeling that it will be different with Nova's dates than it has ever been with Alexis' though I can't quite explain why.
I suppose that's a bridge to cross when the waters rise. For now, I'm posting a poem I've been working on about Alexis. I'm sure Nova wouldn't mind sharing his (blog)space with his sister's memory for tonight.
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