Tuesday, August 08, 2006
I know that I did it, but I don't remember how.
Grief is blinding. You're so lost in it at the time, you don't really see how
you're getting through it. You're too consumed with the day, or the hour, or the moment sometimes, that you don't have the energy to do anything beyond the surviving
. So when you get through it, you look back and realize that some undetermined amount of time and life has just passed, and you don't really remember most of it.
I was sitting out on the porch tonight and thinking aout Nova and how desperately I miss him, and I thought, "How am I going to get through this without losing my mind?" But of course, I also know that I've already made it through it once. I survived losing Alexis, and I had even reached a point that I didn't obsess about her, or cry all the time anymore.
Surviving the loss of our son should be... not easier but, I don't know, I feel like I should be doing better than I am because I should already know how to do all of this. But the thing is, I know that I did it, but I don't remember how.
posted by Erin @ 2:37 AM