Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I know that I did it, but I don't remember how.

Grief is blinding. You're so lost in it at the time, you don't really see how you're getting through it. You're too consumed with the day, or the hour, or the moment sometimes, that you don't have the energy to do anything beyond the surviving. So when you get through it, you look back and realize that some undetermined amount of time and life has just passed, and you don't really remember most of it.

I was sitting out on the porch tonight and thinking aout Nova and how desperately I miss him, and I thought, "How am I going to get through this without losing my mind?" But of course, I also know that I've already made it through it once. I survived losing Alexis, and I had even reached a point that I didn't obsess about her, or cry all the time anymore.

Surviving the loss of our son should be... not easier but, I don't know, I feel like I should be doing better than I am because I should already know how to do all of this. But the thing is, I know that I did it, but I don't remember how.

posted by Erin @ 2:37 AM   1 comments

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Donovan "Nova" LeClair

Monroe, North Carolina
Nova was our second child to be born with congenital heart defects. We lost our daughter at 12 days after open heart surgery in 2001. Nova was born 12/2/05, with Pulmonary Atresia with VSD. He lived 6 weeks after surgery, and passed away on April 6th, 2006. This blog is his story, and the on-going story of how our family is dealing with the loss of our beautiful boy.
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