Sunday, November 19, 2006

I am a conundrum

Most of the time, the things that should effect me in an emotional way no longer do. I am often detached and distant, and find little pleasure in the things I once loved and enjoyed. Poetry, blogging, writing... they don't appeal to me much anymore. My interests have shifted. But even on a more personal level, things feel different, I feel them less.

And yet there are times that something strikes such a deep chord with me, hurts me in ways it just shouldn't. I get offended, indignant, and hurt by things that were not directed at me at all, and were never intended to be hurtful to anyone. For example: the video on Michael's blog - lord knows there is nothing hurtful in a video of a child laughing hysterically. It was adorable, and yet, I bawled.

I'm just having a hard time regulating my emotions. It is either one extreme or the other. And my reactions are all over the place. I'm grumpy, I'm clingy, I'm weepy. I yell, I cry, I hide, I go out to dinner with virtual strangers and laugh till I'm about to piss myself.

I no longer trust myself to be rational. I think I've lost my mind. But then, I know that it isn't my mind I've lost at all.

posted by Erin @ 1:08 PM   0 comments

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Donovan "Nova" LeClair

Monroe, North Carolina
Nova was our second child to be born with congenital heart defects. We lost our daughter at 12 days after open heart surgery in 2001. Nova was born 12/2/05, with Pulmonary Atresia with VSD. He lived 6 weeks after surgery, and passed away on April 6th, 2006. This blog is his story, and the on-going story of how our family is dealing with the loss of our beautiful boy.
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