Monday, December 18, 2006
One thing grief is good for is destroying a person's self-esteem. That was one of the many lessons I learned after losing Alexis, so when we lost Nova, it was one thing I swore I wasn't going to allow to happen again. I sincerely felt like I'd just begun to get to know myself, and like myself... Then we lost Nova and I dug my toes in and refused to do it.
I went and got my hair cut, I made a point of wearing make-up, I did things that gave me a reason to feel good about myself, and forced myself out into the public.And you know what? It worked for a while. Now I feel myself slipping - I went through a period of about 2 months where I barely left the house at all. I've withdrawn from my blogging friends and even from the online heart community.
And so I'm fighting it again, or at least, going through the motions, because it isn't really working. I joined a group called UCM (I've talked about them before - the Mommy's group) and joined their Charitable Events Committee. We're doing a huge canned food drive, we've sponsored a family from the battered women's shelter and provided their family with Christmas gifts and clothes and collected so much more that went straight to the shelter.
I donated a Christmas tree to their half-way house, I took toys to the hospital on Nova's birthday... I've done Christmas crafts with kids at a Christmas party where my husband played Santa, I've done silly little random things, like when we went to AC Moore last week, I had a 50% off coupon I couldn't use, and I passed it along to an elderly lady - and bless her heart, it made her night.
But none of it is really working, I'm really just not feeling
posted by Erin @ 8:57 PM